Know how to read a ruler?

Through the many years in my business I have hired all kinds of people......

One person in particular comes to mind and has created many memorable moments. We'll call this person...."Hank", which is not his real name, I just feel it's better this way.
This story goes back a few years, and I had a fairly big crew at the time. I had a big job going which took most of my men, and I took on another job, which I later learned is not a good thing to do. This particular job was to build two decks. One in the front of the house and the other in the rear. I broke up my crew and took Hank with me to do the decks.

First let me say that Hank wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.......

well in the house, but he was so devoted to me that I put up with his shortcomings and patiently (most of the time) tried to teach him the trade.  The mark out, and the footings, and the frames for the decks went fairly smooth. The decking material went without a hitch also. Now it came time to install the railings and balusters.

I'm the kind of person that wants to do everything myself, 

but because I need to get the jobs done in a timely fashion, I have to trust my men........So, I'm cutting the balusters for the railing, and grabbing the cut ones, and pre drilling them so the screws won't split them, and installing them, and then I notice that Hank is basically following me back and forth like a faithful puppy. I was a bit frustrated with him,  and told him that he needed to be more involved or I would take him home. He agreed.
I set him up on my makeshift work bench to cut the balusters. I showed him how to measure them, and then cut the bottoms at a forty five degree angle.......

"Okay Hank, from the end of the baluster measure up thirty six inches. Now make a mark there and take the square to make a angled mark at that point.......got it?"

He said yes..... I proceeded to cut the baluster, and decided to show him a few more times. "Are you sure you got it now??" I got a reluctant...."yes".
I handed him a ruler, grabbed the few balusters that were cut, and proceeded to install them. While I was installing them, I heard the buzz of the saw, and then I glanced over to him, and he was intently marking a few more. Then the buzzing of the saw again. I was relieved that I had taken this part of the job off of my back.
I went over to the bench to get my newly cut balusters from my now informed worker....
I stood there in....well...confusion. He did in fact cut the balusters, and the forty five was perfect.....but the balusters were only about eighteen inches! He had cut around ten of them like this. First I asked him what are you marking them at?...."Thirty six inches" he said with a proud grin. I said " Do they LOOK like they are thirty six inches???....Look at the ones that are on the railing.....WOULD THESE FIT!!???" He actually looked like he was trying to picture if they would fit, but I took a deep breath, and proceeded to show him a few more times.

This is the actual front porch!

I walked away with the ones that I cut, but this time I was looking back at the table to see what he was doing. Buzz.....Buzz....Buzz... "STOP CUTTING" I yelled over to him. WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU MEASURING AT??........ummmm thirty six inches??, he said cautiously.

This is where I started to lose my patience. I said in a fairly raised tone...

"If you're measuring thirty six inches, then WHY are they the same as the last ones you cut!!??" Hank replied in a defensive voice "I measured thirty six inches....I swear!!"
Frustrated I said..."okay, then show me how you are measuring thirty six inches, because if you are, we have discovered an amazing shrinking property in this wood, and we are going to be rich" He carefully took the ruler, laid it upon the wood.....making sure that the tip of the ruler was exactly even with the edge of the wood. He follows the numbers down the ruler to the infamous thirty six inches,,,,,,and makes a mark!
Hank looked at me with a look of accomplished success.....Until.....I said to him, "are you sure that you are measuring that correctly, because it looks to me if you cut it there, it will be short like the others?" This I believe stumped him....."Well.....I don't know what I'm doing wrong....I did measure right, didn't I?" I couldn't take it anymore and told him to take a good look at the ruler he was using.....He did, but still seemed confused.....I insisted....Look again!....
What he had done was not open the ruler completely. Sure, he WAS marking the thirty six inch mark, but when there are two slats of the ruler not opened.....it just doesn't work.

Moral of the story.......never give a simple person a folding ruler!

Tip of the day....

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With the rainy season about to be upon us, a lot of houses suffer from wet basement walls or actually getting water in the basement.
First thing you want to do is make sure that all of your downspouts (from the gutters) are intact, and draining away from the house. Even if you have to put a piece of pvc pipe to extend it so that it's draining far from the foundation.
 And one of the biggest culprits (and one of the most common) is having the grade pitch toward the foundation walls. If there isn't a proper pitch around the house the rain hits the ground, and puddles up against the walls, sinks into the ground, and sits against the foundation walls, until it discovers how to get in, which it always does. In some extreme cases, this can actually cause a major structural failure, because if enough water sits there, it can cause whats called "hydrostatic pressure" and collapse the wall.  The solution is simple.....Just put more dirt against the house, and have it pitch away into the yard. I see this way too often, and most people can't figure out why their basement is wet or damp. This should fix your problem, and you'll be happy to store your barely used items in your now dry basement!

See you next time......from beyond.........