Don't be a Patsy......finale`?

Okay....where was I.......

Oh yeah....The medicine thing.

Read Part 1 here:

We went back into the house, and my helper was just finishing up "paint trimming" all around the walls. Patsy came in and started nagging my helper about how she was seeing some imperfections around the patch in the ceiling. She demanded that he "hit" it again, because she was paying a lot of money ($85.00) to have a professional job. He told her in a firm but respectful voice that he wasn't finish with it yet.....she replied...."you better not be!"

I was just about finished in the bathroom, repairing the toilet and Patsy appeared at the doorway and exclaimed to me,

"I hope your man is going to do a good job on that ceiling because I'm seeing some spots that need to be touched up"

I looked up at her and said "Patsy, please don't worry so much. The job will be perfect and you will love everything, I promise." she replied "I hope so" And then she continued her assault "You know that ceiling in the basement is damaged and I know that you are going to paint the whole ceiling, because it wasn't like that before you came here" I stopped her and said kinda firmly "Again, I wasn't the one who closed the shut off valve, but I will go look at it. I will paint around the area of the stain, but I will not paint the whole ceiling" and with that she stammered away.

I was off to the Kitchen to install the new Kitchen faucet. Patsy followed in my footsteps which reminded me of my yellow Lab, Roxy who is not happy unless she is under my feet when I'm home. I showed Patsy the faucet that she agreed upon and she questioned if it was the same one, and that she wanted "the best" and not any cheap junk. I smiled at her and told her it was the one she picked and it was a good one.

While I was in the Kitchen, she went into the bathroom to check the newly repaired toilet, and she yelled out to me "I hope this toilet is really fixed now, I don't want to be up all night listening to it running" I was at the point now that Patsy's voice became "background noise" and as much as I was trying not to listen, I heard every word. I finished the Kitchen faucet and started my way upstairs to the second floor bathroom....the one with the clear shower handles that she hated so much.

Patsy was in my path in a flash...."Where are you going?" I explained to her that I was going to start the repairs in the other bathroom. "Well, your not going upstairs without "booties" on your feet are you? I don't want my carpet stained" I calmly explained that my shoes were clean, but I would go see if I had any in my truck. I ended up having to go buy box of "booties" so I could work upstairs.

When I got back, I checked on my helper who was still painting the Kitchen walls, all while Patsy was there watching him like a hawk and making sure to tell him if and when he might have missed a spot. He looked like he was going to cry. I was kind of happy that Patsy didn't follow me upstairs but worried that my helper might do or say something to Patsy that I would regret.

I put on my booties and quietly  headed up the steps to continue my work. 

The first thing I had to do was to replace the old faucet which Patsy told me was installed in the late 80's. I took off the door to the vanity cabinet, to give myself more room and to avoid any more unwanted  issues with Patsy. I was having a really hard time getting the nuts off from under the vanity top because they had rusted themselves to the bottom of the old marble. Then I heard a voice....

"Are you going to finish everything today?" I pulled myself out just enough to see Patsy in the doorway of the bathroom. I told her that I was having trouble getting the old faucet off, and I would be back tomorrow as planned anyway. "Oh really??, I was really looking forward to taking a shower, and I thought you would be finished today" I explained to her that the work on the bathtub was not a small job and I didn't want to start it late or she would not be able to shower for sure.

I started picking up my tools, and I figured that I would try some "small talk" to let her know that I was in fact on her side. I had noticed that there were a lot of pictures around the house of who I assumed was her husband. And in all of my dealings with Patsy, I never saw him......So in a low, concerned voice I asked her
"How long has it been since your husband passed?" She looked at me with a smile and said "Oh he's not dead, but I wish he was, the Bastard. You see I had to take my Dad here to care for him and he was so demanding of my time that my husband came to me and said it was either him or my Dad.....I of course chose my Dad, and the son of a bitch moved out....that was fifteen years ago. He lives with his crazy daughter, as a matter of fact all three of my daughters moved away and every one of them are just as crazy as their father." I apologized profusely for my mistaken assumption, and she laughed and said that it didn't bother her, and again wished him dead.

The next morning we arrived at Patsy's and although it had drizzled a little overnight, there was a warm wind blowing and everything was almost completely dry. Patsy met us at the side door and told us that we should wear our "booties" because it had rained and she didn't want to ruin her marble Kitchen floor. We obliged.
My helper got right to work on painting the kitchen ceiling, and I was going over a few things with Patsy who reminded me not to forget to "fix" her kitchen table, and don't forget to paint the basement ceiling, and then she took a piece of paper off of the Dining room table and she wanted me to sign it.

"Since I didn't get your insurance yet, I want you to sign this and get it notarized before I pay you. Because if your not insured, we are going to have a problem." I was really not in the mood for this kind of BS this early in the morning, so I just turned away, took off my "booties" and drove off to my office to get my copy of the insurance certificate, so to put an end to the question.

I returned right away, and handed my insurance certificate to Patsy 

and jokingly told her she should frame it and hang it on the wall. With that I went upstairs to finish up.....I just wanted to be out of there. I took my position under the sink (laying on my back) and started again on my mission to release the nuts from the bottom of the faucet. That's when Patsy walked in and started asking me questions about the shower faucet and she hoped that I got the best one for her and (again) not cheap junk. I explained to her that I actually upgraded the faucet for her and although it cost me more money, she wasn't going to pay another dime.
"Well you BETTER not charge me more, after all I didn't hit the lottery...(NOT AGAIN!!)

I had to use a metal cutting tool to cut off the rusted nut (not Patsy) and I was startled by a light kick to my leg.

Patsy's true form....

"Oh my God, Dominick, did you crack my vanity top??" without getting out of my extremely uncomfortable position, I replied " How would I do that? I came in here and went right under the vanity, I haven't even touched the top yet" But she insisted "Well I washed this vanity just last night and that crack wasn't there!" I now pulled myself out from under the cabinet to get a look at what she was talking about. She pointed to the supposedly new crack and said,

"You see here, here it is. That wasn't there before and I would know because I clean this vanity every day!" There was in fact a small hairline crack, almost invisible, but there. Upon closer inspection I noticed that inside the crack it was grimy.  I pointed this out to her and she scoffed at my observation and replied "Well I've never seen this before, but if you say that you didn't do it, then what can I say, I guess that I'm just gonna have to live with it." Then much to my relief she stormed out and went back downstairs. I was so offended that she would accuse me of something that was obviously there before. I though that maybe she had a bad night and was taking it out on me, and I didn't like it.

I finally got the old faucet removed and I was just finishing up installing the new faucet when my helper came upstairs to ask me to come down and get Patsy off of his back. I told him to go outside and take a break and when I finished I would go downstairs to see what the problem was now. I went downstairs and patsy was in the Kitchen and standing crossed armed asked me if I thought that my man did a good job painting. I looked at the job, and I must admit, he did a beautiful job. I told her that there was nothing wrong with the job. She started to raise her voice and insisted that we put another coat of paint on the ceiling.

Now I'm beginning to lose my cool. "Patsy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the ceiling." 

and she replied "I want two coats of paint on the ceiling because that's what the man at home depot said should be done. See over here....there is a spot that your man missed!" I strained to see a spot, but I saw nothing and I told her "C'mon Patsy, now your taking advantage of me and I don't like it. The ceiling is perfect." "But I WANT a second coat, if your not gonna put a second coat on, I'm not gonna pay you!"

Okay, this is when I lost it..... I looked over at my helper and started yelling "PLEASE just put another coat on the damn ceiling!! no wait....Paint ALL of the (GD) ceilings, because I'm sure that's next!!" I turned my attention to Patsy, and yelled. "Geez Patsy, I could see if you paid $1,000.00....you would have every right to nit pick every little thing, but YOU PAID NOTHING!!....and still got a great job!!" I told my man to just paint the ceiling again as I took off my "booties" and stormed out of her house while saying..."Patsy, you are ridiculous! and DON'T call me ever again!!"

I got into my truck and drove away, because if I stayed any longer I was afraid of what else I might say. I called my plumber and begged him to go over and install the bathtub faucet and spout. I told him I didn't care what he charged me, I just wasn't going back in that house. He was happy to save me from further emotional scarring and he got there within five minutes. As I drove to order the material for the next job, I realized that what I did was just a bit unprofessional and I started to feel bad that I yelled at her.

Nice Patsy again...Oh wait I mean Joanna

I got back just as my plumber was packing up his tools. I asked him how everything went, and he told me that Patsy was there the whole time and she had asked him a number of times of my whereabouts. I went in to give Patsy my bill and when our eyes met, she started to tear up and she apologized for being a "crazy bitch"....her words. I also apologized for losing my temper. and assured her that I have never done this to a homeowner before, and she was my first. She reached over and with tears in her eyes, gave me a big hug and a kiss on my cheek.

So, this is what a "love in" is....

Patsy handed me the check and told me how happy she was with all of the work and that I was such a good contractor. As we were standing next to the repaired dining room table, she pointed to a picture on the wall and said to me...

"That's my husband. You see HIS name is PATSY....and actually my name is Joanna. I just like his name so much I tell people that MY name is Patsy".....I almost fell to the floor in disbelief.....

Looks like I was the PATSY all along!!

 

Because of the long post there will be NO tip of the day :

OMG...It's Patsy calling again!

 BUT.....there is an update......Patsy....oh wait, I mean Joanna called my office and left a kinda nasty message that she wanted the clear handles to the shower......(the kind she despised). The following morning 6:30 am. she called again. I answered, and she first asked me why I hadn't called her back. Then she started insisting that she wanted the clear handles that came with the new bathtub faucet....I told her that I had thrown them away, as I had no need for them....She insisted that I still had them and she wanted them......the saga continues.......

See you next time......from beyond.........